Girlfriend now 70% sure she could do better


Earlier today, area girlfriend Lisa Miller mused about a thought that has been at the back of her mind for quite some time: she could, probably, do better than her current boyfriend.

“Back when we started dating in 2009, I knew he wasn’t great,” said the 23 year-old Miller. “But I also figured that he was about the best I could do, and maybe even a little above.”

Now, though, Miller is reconsidering her options. Following a promotion at her job, a successful workout program with a personal trainer, and an expansion of her social horizons, a newfound sense of confidence has driven her belief that she could, indeed, find someone less pathetic.

“Back in ‘09, realistically speaking, I would say I was a 7,” she said. “Nothing wrong with being a 7. But now I’d say I’m a high 8, maybe even a 9 in the right group of people. And I’m proud of the work I put in to get here. I feel like I could find someone who would appreciate it more.

“I mean, he’s ok,” said Miller, who declined to name her soon-to-be ex significant other. “And he’ll find happiness with someone, somewhere. But he has a dead-end job, mommy issues, and has probably gained 10 pounds since February. It’s just not something I need anymore.”

Following a scheduled lengthy separation due to Miller’s new position within her company, she plans to break up with him in early January.

“A new year is a great time for new beginnings, for both of us,” she said. “I only hope he’ll understand.”

As of press time, Miller’s boyfriend is preparing to propose marriage her upon her return.
“A new start, together forever, for us. It’s what we both need,” he said.