Adam Jones’ dinner party took an awkward and painful turn yesterday when none the guests could figure out how to steer the conversation away from African genocide.
“Honestly I’m not even sure how it got there,” Jones said. “Somehow, all of a sudden, we were all talking about Darfur and other African genocides like they were deeply impacting our lives or something.”
Jones stated that every time he tried to steer the conversation away, he ended up quoting some made-up statistic about how an African dies every three seconds.
“I just couldn’t figure out how to steer the conversation away from the genocide talk without sounding like a heartless bastard, so instead I just kept contributing stuff I thought I may have read in some magazine.”
Elizabeth Buth, who spent the entire conversation reminding people she was a member of Amnesty International and Invisible Children, said she tried on four different occasions to steer the conversation back to the new “Batman” movie, but that “everyone just kept bringing it back to genocide.”
“If I’m going to talk about African genocide, I don’t want to do it in private with my friends. I want to do it in public so everyone can know how much I care,” Buth said.
“I don’t go to private dinner parties to care.”
After nearly three excruciating hours, the conversation briefly turned to how surprised everyone was that Adam Jones could cook so well, then returned to genocide when Jones observed that he wasn’t sure any of those Africans had ever enjoyed a meal this good.