Huskers Favored to Take State

Following a lackluster 2012 post-season Bo Pelini and his 2013 squad have been granted a sigh of relief.

Despite early speculation, the Cornhuskers have been placed atop the Nebraska State Activities Association’s 2013 preseason football poll. The poll, determined by voters from ESPN’s website, has sparked a flurry of emotion across the state.

“We haven’t been blessed with any sort of championship in 14 years, so being selected as the frontrunner to win state has really built the morale of Husker Nation,” said lifelong Lincoln resident Mark Hemmingsworth. “At this point we’ll cling tight to anything with the word ‘championship’ in it.”

And while some Husker fans remain thrilled at the prospect of another arbitrary, self-inflating title, others have reacted cynically.

“The whole consecutive sellout thing is stale as shit, and, at this point, we’re desperate for something new and meaningless to brag about,” said junior philosophy major Brandon Smith. “But hey, if you’re in the middle of a dry spell sometimes you just have to appreciate whatever comes along.”

Smith shook his head and looked down. He spit. Memories of a childhood rampant with national championships came flooding back as he wept a single tear.

When asked about his plans for preparing a team capable of meeting fan expectations coach Pelini responded, “Our main goal right now is discipline. A state champion caliber team can’t be jerking around bashing each others’ heads with liquor bottles every weekend. We need to stay focused.”