Few senators were surprised on Monday when Vice President Joseph Biden showed up to the day’s session with live mallard in tow. Stepping up to the podium at the front of the Senate Chamber, Biden cleared his throat, lifted the Mariana Mallard high and made a proud announcement.

Though admiring his courage in completely missing the point of the lame duck session, some senators were concerned that Biden was not joking when he noted that “we should have a lame gopher session, too. Or, like, a lame kitten day. Not that there’s anything lame about kittens. Ducks aren’t very rad, though. So I guess lame duck makes sense. Do we have any ice cream in this place?”

Nancy Pelosi, newly elected Minority Leader in the House of Representatives, was reportedly less enthusiastic about the waterfowl’s presence in the Senate Chamber.

“It’s a lame duck session, not ‘bring your pets to work day’,” she was overheard telling a white-haired Senator from Arizona. “If he really wants to make this stunt work he should break its wings or something. Maybe I’ll do it for him.”

President Obama and the White House press corps have not yet commented on Biden’s actions, though unconfirmed rumors indicate that Sasha and Malia may have been involved in capturing the duck from a local zoo. Biden, however, rising to the defense of the President’s children, swore by all that is Brian Williams that he acted alone in taking the mallard captive.

“I coaxed it from my private pond with some corn and the power of song,” Biden insisted. “That duck and I have a special connection now. I just wanted to let him know what a day on Capitol Hill was really like before I’m forced to skin and gut him for my annual Thanksgiving turducken.