Following a failed sixth-month courtship of a coworker, Gary Jamison found himself placed in the dreaded “friend zone.” This designation, used for men who find themselves serving as close friends but never considered for romantic reasons, has been applied to Jamison by 26 year-old Jessica McMahon.
Jamison was introduced to McMahon when his superior assigned him to acquaint his new coworker with the intricacies of the patent office where they both work. Almost immediately, Jamison began a futile and overly simplistic plan to seduce McMahon.
Six months later, McMahon considers Jamison to be among her closest of friends.
“Gary is always there for me, always giving his support. He never once hit on me, or probably even considered me romantically,” said an enthusiastic and woefully wrong McMahon. “I know him so well now. He’s told me all about his family, his likes and dislikes. Almost everything. He’s like a brother to me, really.”
While initially disappointed, Jamison has found himself relishing his new role as confidant.
“Jessica may not like me ‘in that way’ or whatever, but I’ve come to accept it. She’s always honest with me about her problems with her sister and the guys she goes on dates with,” said a dejected but complacent Jamison.
“Honestly, after trying so hard for half a year and getting basically nowhere, I’m just enjoying not having the added pressure. It saves me money not buying her frivolous presents, and she’ll still tell me about basically anything. It wasn’t exactly what I was going for, but whatever. I don’t have the energy any more to pursue it.”
Added McMahon, “Oh! Gary! I need to get your opinion on the guy I went on a blind date with on Saturday. He reminded me a bit of you, actually. But without the ability to listen.”
The “friend zone” designation is applied to approximately 46 million men in the United States annually. The number of men who take it as well as Jamison, however, is difficult to confirm.
“There will probably always be a tiny bit of disappointment for me,” said Jamison. “But I’ll deal. Besides, the new girl who started in payroll is really hot.”