Little Arnold Barrows, born at 3 a.m. today, arrived on this planet weighing five pounds, six pounds of that coming from his manliness.
Barrows, with only a few minutes to his name, became the manliest baby around when he somehow was able to witness a bare, sweet rack right in front of him.
“Man, that newborn was one of the manliest babies that I’ve ever helped birth,” said Dr. Rob Jakobs. “Somehow, he was so manly that he got someone to show him their breasts, just right there in public. Then, he had the balls to treat it like it was nothing by never staring at them like a moron; he was a smooth li’l guy, taking in everything like a cool dude before going back to that awesome rack.”
“I’d say that he might have more testosterone than most adult males,” continued Jakobs. “I’d have to do some tests, first. Still, I’d love to watch the Sunday game and banter with that guy sometime.”
Barrows’ brotastic antics gained praise from everyone in the delivery room that tubular morning.
“I’m proud to call him my son,” said Jay Barrows, Arnold’s father. “I mean, that’s my wife that’s showing the pair, but still, my son’s quite a man if he can pull that off. I don’t think I could’ve gotten Haleigh topless in public.”
Sadly, “Arnie’s” feats of gnar manliness were rendered less impressive once another baby, Tao Wong, in an adjacent delivery room managed to pull of the same feat.