Nancy Grace Unable to Bring Self to Say “Innocent Until Proven Guilty”

Nancy Grace, host of her self-titled show, suffered a severe meltdown after she was forced to conclude that the facts of a case were inconclusive.

Though Grace strove to condemn a suspected murderer, after reviewing the facts of the legal matter on air she realized that perhaps it was too early to pass judgement.

“You know, maybe this one isn’t so cut-and-dried,” said Grace on her program. “I guess we have to accept that, here in America, it’s innooocc….”

Grace tried several times to say the word “innocent” before succeeding.

“Innocent until porrrrrrrrrrr…..”

For several minutes, Grace could be seen and heard struggling to pronounce the word “proven” in context with the rest of the sentence. After a few seconds experimentation, it was discovered that she could, in fact, say the word on its own. In context, however, she was unable to say it until a production assistant coached her through it during a commercial break.

“Sorry, viewers,” Grace began after the commercials. “As I was saying, in America, it’s innocent until proven guilt—”

Upon this final attempt to utter the phrase “innocent until proven guilty,” Grace’s throat constricted and her limbs gave way, resulting in her face smashing directly into her desk. Knocked unconscious, Grace was unable to be revived in time to finish her show.

Several hours later, she awoke at a nearby hospital. She then gave a terse statement to the press.

“I’ve thought about it some more, and that son of a bitch needs to pay for whatever it is he did. Guilty! Guilty! Guilty!”

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