After seemingly endless debate and setbacks, the Obamacare deadline has finally passed and millions of previously uninsured Americans are now covered. The battle was particularly poignant for junior and political science major Jared Stoltzenburg, a student who has struggled to be insured for two years. Stoltzenburg, an intramural Hammer Leg Smash player, uninsured since freshman year due to the pre-existing condition of being an intramural Hammer Leg Smash player.
“I’m just excited to have taken this step towards a modern healthcare system. We’re finally in line with other first world nations that cover smashing blunt objects into your legs repeatedly for sport.” Obama addressed the many Americans like Stoltzenburg in a recent Total Frat Move video.
When he finally finished his health care exchange, Stoltzenburg said he had to use his trusty sledge to make sure he wasn’t dreaming. Heavy bruising and internal bleeding reminded the intramural athlete that he was not dreaming.
The rollout of Obamacare has radically changed the sport of Hammer Leg Smash, not just for Stoltzenburg but also for idiot players around the US. Formerly an underground event due to its reputation for making players uninsurable, the sport is now moving towards mainstream success.
Opponents of Obamacare argue that by covering Hammer Leg Smash Obama has set a dangerous precedent where every sport with the end result of breaking more bones than the other team will be covered by US taxpayers.
When reached for a response, Stoltzenburg was reported as saying, “AHHHHHH MY KNEES. I SMASHED THEM WITH A HAMMER AND NOW THEYRE BROKEN!”