“Egad!” shouted Dr. Benedict Royce Monday morning as he spotted the 300th symbol on a street banner. “What horrible repetition, such disturbing imagery – I should have arrived here sooner.”
The environment of the University of Nebraska-Lincoln “deeply troubled” Royce, a world-renowned psychologist who specializes in analyzing disorders such as obsessive school spirit and university pride. According to him, the excessive, cult-like display of the Husker “N” across campus spells deep psychological trauma everywhere.
“I mean, just look at it: a simple ‘N,’” Royce said. “It almost sends a shiver down your spine, doesn’t it? And that blocky-sporty font that’s used? It’s a wonder how this place survived and people aren’t raving mad, running down the streets and screaming in tongues.”
When looked at for longer than a couple seconds, even by “an untrained eye,” Royce said that the signs of serious psychological problems at UNL become quite apparent.
“I mean, just look at it for a while and you’ll see the issue,” Royce said. “Even a monkey could tell you that the “N” is a resurfacing of everyone’s extreme, insatiable desire to return to the womb.”
Royce explained that everything about the Husker “N” – from the colors to the shape – spells out this desire.
Royce started to mention how Lil’ Red “almost makes UNL’s problems way too obvious,” but stated that that issue will have to be tackled on another day.