Paramedics on hand for full-contact chess tournament

In what turned into absolute carnage among chess-playing intellectuals on Saturday, eyewitnesses described the violence that ensued during the world’s first full-contact chess tournament. “There were some unspeakable things that happened at that tournament,” said paramedic Terry Shroedecker. “My God, the things people do in the name of sport. I’ll never understand it.” Accounts of […] Read more

New automated flagpoles lower flags to half-mast every 48 hours

As routine mass shootings and violence become another part of the grim background music in a trauma-weary, post-recession nation still struggling to organize its scatterbrained, Paxil-permeated thoughts about the inevitable blowback that occurs in a declining consumer culture deeply rooted in instant gratification, overnight celebrity status and adoration of firearms, no clear solution exists. However, […] Read more