13-year old Shane Kassian is just like any other 8th grader. He goes to school, plays basketball, does his homework and plays video games with his friends.

However, there is more than meets the eye. In addition to a developing personality, Kassian has also discovered developing urges. These urges are manifested in his Christmas list.

“These aren’t normal gifts for a 13-year old, I know,” Kassian said. “I just want to see if the big man up north can get them to me on the down low.”

Kassian recently wrote a letter to Santa Claus, asking about his discreet packaging options.

“I know that different companies offer the option, I watch plenty of late night TV,” he said. “I just want to know if Santa can put the … stuff in a shoebox or something.”

Kassian opted not to specify which products he ordered, however he did say that they were sexual in nature. He also added that he was just “keeping up with the times,” and was simply trying to avoid the wrath of his conservative parents.

“I personally don’t see anything wrong with it, but Mom and Dad would not be pleased with my other Christmas list,” said Kassian. “I just decided to skip the middleman and go straight to Santa.”

Kassian keeps his list in a shoebox under the bed, which he would not allow the Dailyer to look inside, citing “Privacy, man!”

At the time of press, Kassian has not received a reply from Santa, however he has been spending a lot more time alone in his locked bedroom.