Verbal confrontation adds nearly $4 to family’s swear jar


In a record-breaking move, the Johnson family added nearly four dollars to their swear jar yesterday. The donations came after a lengthy dinner table argument over whether eldest son Matthew should be able to hang out with his friend Chad on Friday evening.

The fight allegedly started rather innocently, with Matthew asking his parents if he could hang out with Chad on Friday night. But as the dinner progressed, the discussion become even more heated as Matthew, his parents, and even younger sister, Whitney, argued over the merits of Chad as a friend.

Matthew’s parents are said to believe Chad is a “bad influence” on him, and believe that their relationship with their son has grown distant from the moment Chad came into Matt’s life.

“He never even thinks about staying home with us anymore. All he wants to do is hang out with Chad, go to the movies with Chad, or sleep over at Chad’s house,” mother Johnson told the DailyER. “It’s like he doesn’t even want to be part of the family anymore.”

The first swear came from a surprising source, little sister Whitney, who called Chad a “stupid turd,” which sources say is at least a 20 cent offense in the Johnson household, with some saying that the use of “turd” may actually be a 15 cent word instead of the traditional 10 cents for words such as “stupid.”

Matthew followed by calling his sister a “dumb fartface,” a move that would normally only cost 10 cents per word but, due to a family rule of not discussing flatulence at the table, doubled his penalty for the word “fart” up to 20 cents.

The fight would continue in this manner until Matthew’s father would tell everyone to “just shut the fuck up,” an unprecendented move that would cost him a full dollar, but one that was “worth it” to get this “stupid, worthless fight to stop.”