Few senators were surprised on Monday when Vice President Joseph Biden showed up to the day’s session with live mallard in tow. Stepping up to the podium at the front of the Senate Chamber, Biden cleared his throat, lifted the Mariana Mallard high and made a proud announcement. Though admiring his courage in completely missing […] Read more
By Jim Walton Recently I was watching a documentary about how half of the world’s population makes less than two dollars a day. This made me very angry. How can people be so stupid? I mean, making money isn’t that hard. All you have to do is wait until your dad dies and then inherit […] Read more
Ever since eighth grade, Jason Taylor said he has felt comfortable removing his shirt in almost any public situation. Now a junior agricultural business major at UNL, Taylor’s bare-chestedness has begun to serve as a discomfort for many fellow students. “He doesn’t even drink that often. It’s not like he’s tearing it off in celebration […] Read more
Julian Assange, editor of the website Wikileaks, is in no way repentant about the content he posts every few months. He says the American public should have a little more truth in their lives. And while this would not normally be a cause for the Department of Defense to get involved, Assange is a special […] Read more
By Kermit the Frog “It’s not that easy being green. Having to spend each day the color of the leaves, When I think it could be nicer being red, or yellow or gold, Or… wait, who am I kidding here? Try this again. It’s not that difficult to be green. Getting to spend each day […] Read more
Bobby Bowden was given one last chance to coach his former team last Saturday, when he accidentally picked up a headset and began coaching in the fourth quarter. Bowden was seen running onto the field and was heard screaming about “better blocking” before picking up an extra headset. Security guards were unable to stop the […] Read more
Matthew Pickett, author of several volumes of the universally acclaimed series of reference books entitled “Popular Belief”, levied several complaints in this week’s press conference concerning the public outcry to illegitamize the theories presented throughout his body of work. The wealth of information offered in these volumes outlines issues regarding everything from “how many pounds […] Read more
Local Student Allen Rills announced, to no one in particular, that he was really enjoying the summary to Shakespeare’s Macbeth. The 2 and a half page summary from SparkNotes was recommended to Rills from his best friend and classmate who had read it the night before, stating “it’s a totally in-depth summary with all the […] Read more
