UNL staff are reporting receiving an email inviting them to bring their “sickest licks” to the UNL Chancellor’s office for “a chance of a lifetime.” “It’s gonna be really extreme,” read the email, which had as an attachment an image of a skull Chancellor Perlman had drawn, with the words “Mother of Perl” written on […] Read more
In a completely indefensible and abhorrent act, we at The DailyER decided that instead of giving you any attempt at satire, we’d instead give you exactly what you want: lesbian sex. It is very difficult, as you might imagine, for us to actually give you “lesbian sex” to you per se, but we are here […] Read more
Aleksandr Vodkavak, a Russian scientist at a Russian facility in Petropavlovsk, was the first human to permanently break the sound barrier. Last week the process of sending his body to Mach 1 was finalized in the small research town. “The specific process is classified. It involves accelerating each individual particle of a person through sub-atomic… […] Read more
South of the Nebraska City Union, the bushes start to wiggle. A face pops out and looks around cautiously. In one fluid move, David Turnot emerges and starts walking. He’s late for biology class. Turnot, a junior film studies major, is currently being raised by Husker cats, the wild cats that live on campus. “They […] Read more
After 158 years of intense, widespread academic contrast, epistemologists have irrevocably agreed upon a single universal truth: crosswalks signs on UNL campus possess no meaning whatsoever. Dr. Tania Fullam, a Professor of Epistemology and Meaning at Stanford University, has proven, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that traffic indicators are severed from all meaning, both […] Read more
After taking an unusually long detour back to work, Greg Schniepp was suddenly overtaken by the great vastness of the parking lot in which his colony resides. Greg, a professional harvesting ant living just outside a Des Moines-area McDonald’s, took a life-changing gaze out into the distance Sunday night. “I looked deep into the swirling, […] Read more
After a supreme 1st quarter effort that left Ohio State scrambling for answers, Coach Bo Pelini experienced the rare emotion of leading a football game on the road. “It was surreal, looking up at the scoreboard after the first quarter and seeing us in the lead,” said Pelini. “I stopped paying attention after that, though. […] Read more
Following an “intense” four-hour interview process, the cast of ESPN’s “College Football Live” program was eager to report that Alabama Head Coach Nick Saban’s balls are “absolutely delicious in every way.” Host Rece Davis, himself an Alabama alumni, was reported to have spent the most “private time” with Saban. “Let me tell you, I’ve never […] Read more
Police chief Kevin Cern cleared his throat. His eyes searched the room for a moment, then he spoke into the microphone. “We’ve found Carmen Sandiego.” Thus was the end of the 29-year-long, global search for Sandiego marked. Unfortunately, it wasn’t a storybook ending. Her body was found in a creek bed behind an apartment complex […] Read more
A common saying is that “there’s a first time for everything.” However, there is a darker way of putting this, one that first-time arsonist Dylan Baumann feared would become his reality: “you never get a second chance at a first impression.” “It’s always been a dream of mine to start my career off with a […] Read more
