Kitchens across America rely on power, water and loving families in order to function. Loving families of the actively oppressed Smeebler dishwashing dishwasher gnomes, that is. Stolen from their Smeebler homeland of Dishenraque in the 1850s by inventor Joel Houghton, dishwasher gnomes were forced to live and work inside of wooden boxes and spray dishes […] Read more
For the Literary Club to increase attendance, Club boosters planned on offering “free pizza” to anyone who would show up to Tuesday’s meeting. The ploy was sure to get at least a few more students to come and possibly stay for a talk about “Far From the Maddening Crowd,” the current book of the month. Curiosities […] Read more
University of Nebraska-Lincoln students can breathe a sigh of relief when it comes to emergency response on campus. After the recent announcement of the UNL Police Department removing the emergency blue phones scattered around campus, plans are already set in motion to add an emergency telegram service in case of any student or faculty emergency. Head […] Read more
After a tumultuous off-season for the Cleveland Browns and a grisly start to their 2017 football season, players and coaching staff now have reason to rejoice. In the annual release of worldwide sporting club valuations, Forbes announced that the Cleveland Browns franchise has been valued at a whopping $29.86, which is a sharp increase from 2016 when Forbes […] Read more
Calling it the most glaring failure of his tenure, Will Zunneman, the University of Nebraska-Lincoln’s communications director, told reporters that he fears for the security of his job after his recent mistake of trying to attract Mark Wahlberg to the university by saying the Devaney Center was a Transformer, only to find out that Wahlberg […] Read more
On Tuesday afternoon, English professor Jonathan Reynolds was seen in the Union bending over a pile of papers that had spilled out of his briefcase to his embarrassment. Witnesses walking by noted that almost every single one of the strewn about ENGL151 essays was some sort of variation on the topic of why college athletes should […] Read more
When Hamilton Jackson turned 21 Wednesday night, he took to social media and let the world know. A post on his Snapchat story featured a standalone picture of a mojito with the caption, “Enjoying my first legal drink.” The caption also featured a sly winking emoji for good measure. “I just want to make sure people […] Read more
While filming an upcoming episode of Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives, host Guy Fieri took Lincoln, Nebraska, resident Kyle Tomlin’s phone and wallet and left him in Flavortown, USA, sources reported Wednesday. When reached by reporters, Tomlin recapped the events that led to his desertion in Flavortown. “A few days ago, I responded to an advertisement […] Read more
Cities all over America have been covered in snow in one of the harshest winters in recent memory. The season’s fresh snowflakes are prompting Minnesota resident Peter Matthews to come forward with his incredible snow-related story. “When I was 10 years old, I accidentally ate some yellow snow. It was unlike anything I’ve ever tasted. […] Read more
A group dedicated to helping you kick your gambling addiction called your bluff and wagered $20 that you’re likely not stopping anytime soon, sources say. The for-profit telecom group Bet Ending Therapy Services (BETS) stated that while you’ve shown an interest in fiscal responsibility, there are 2 to 1 odds that you’ll be back in […] Read more
