Nebraska’s snow accumulation stated that it “could use a good plowing” according to sources standing outside during this month’s snowfall. The frigid, ivory-colored natural phenomenon said it dared city officials to “bring its shovels, trucks, the whole works,” as a result of it having been, “such a dirty, dirty mess” in the city’s streets. “I […] Read more
Nebraska Cornhuskers running back Maurice Washington is officially being charged with the possession of child pornography and distributing revenge porn in the state of California. The University of Nebraska-Lincoln Athletic Department first learned that Washington was under investigation last September. “Washing-who? I’ve never heard that name before in my life,” said the befuddled UNL Director of Athletics […] Read more
The University of Nebraska-Lincoln is turning 150 on Feb. 15 and the university is declining to comment about any of it. “I’ll talk to you about the present,” the university said. “But the past is the past.” It is rumored that it doesn’t like being told how long it’s been around because it makes it […] Read more
Film graduate student Josh Smith, 24, was browsing the eBay in search of film needed for a thesis paper at a cheap price. While looking for “The Bionic Woman,” listings for the LEGO toy line “Bionicle” popped up. Smith was 6 when “Bionicle” was introduced and it soon became his favorite childhood toy. “I totally […] Read more
What’s up, idiots. It’s Troy back at you with some fresh opinions and shit. That’s right, I’m not pulling any punches here. Hope those idiot editors of this shitty paper don’t try to censor me like they did last time, cuz guess what idiots, my dad’s super rich. Oh, you thought this was an opinion? […] Read more
Sophomore engineering major Mariah Harvey had never seen the world the same way before. After a quick visit to Wal-Mart and investing 98 cents on a bright pink planner, the sun started to glow a little brighter. “It was crazy,” Harvey said. “I wish I would have known about the power of a planner before […] Read more
