Last Monday, Junior Jeremy Jenkins received a letter from his long-time girlfriend in the mail, notifying him that their relationship’s expiration date would be in two weeks. Devastated, he read the paper over and over again and even called for confirmation. What follows are the contents of the document, sans tear stains and snot wipings: […] Read more
Janet, your Mom, marched into the Michael’s in your hometown today on a righteous mission. She was going to get her loving hands on the absolute biggest, shiniest, most eye catching balls to ever grace the side of a Christmas tree. After a quick assessment, she found Michael’s balls to be woefully lacking. “These can’t […] Read more
“Now I know this is a side tangent and a little bit irrelevant, but just wow. Have you seen this stuff on Twitter?” He says as he points intensely at his phone. “I have been going on Twitter a lot lately and boy there’s a lot of really wild stuff on there.” “Like have you […] Read more
Pandemonium erupted in the Adele Learning Commons this morning as students were yet again met by a person-less booth of free coffee. This automated booth brought disappointment and anger to many students, who expected to be served by Ronnie Green personally handing out coffee. “I was honestly expecting him to be here. It just really […] Read more
My body’s ability to squirm and writhe around while emanating profound fury at the very sight of a person is seriously underestimated, especially when it comes to people who look like they know a thing or two. Who does this guy think he is? Magellan? Answering only the questions he knows in class and then […] Read more
Junior Rebecca Fitzgerald was desperate to think of something clever and unique to wear as a costume to all the Halloween parties she planned to attend. “The typical lingerie and animal ears is just so tired; I wanted to wear something that would make me stand out. So I turned to UNL faculty. At first, […] Read more
Mere months following the University of Nebraska-Lincoln’s 150th birthday, Oldfather leaves town with no real warning. In the space where he used to sit is a rectangular hole in the ground with a note written in the mud that reads, “Went to the store to buy cigarettes” followed by “Don’t wait up.” This message was, […] Read more
Richard Dickinson said he finally feels avenged. The sophomore education major said he has watched his peers enjoy nuts in many different styles and fashions for too long to feel bad for them now. “I swear to God they add a nut to every single day of their lives,” Dickinson said. “I have never enjoyed […] Read more
