Just in time for the holiday season, Guantanamo Bay has declared that its highly secured doors will open for this year’s wave of spring breakers. Crowds of all sorts are flooding the rooms of the Bay, some students, some vacationers, and some “high profiled targets” of the CIA. What they all have in common, though, is that none of them have been weighed down by a meaningless trial upon their arrival.

Many of the tourists have paid top dollar for a room in the luxurious prison, while others have received boarding for free, special treatment that some of the employees have nicknamed “waterboarding.”

Recent Yelp reviews have proven to be positive for “The Bay,” offering comments like, “When the brochure mentioned it was beach-side property we were hooked, plus Guantanamo just sounds so…exotic.”

User Tori_Chur911 commented, “The employees told us all about the Bay’s past. Apparently it’s haunted by lingering spirits, and if you listen really close you can still hear anguished screams coming from the basement.”

No tourist hot-spot is without its flaws. A consistent complaint among a majority of the vacationers is that the buzzing of unmanned drones is heard constantly throughout the night. Another common complaint is that the staff for the Bay is incredibly uncooperative, not to mention their uniformed orange jumpsuits and the bizarre black bags they wear on their heads are highly off-putting.