Randy Cook, UNL Freshman:

Wow! Look at all this cool stuff! Going to college will definitely be the best time of my life. Can you believe all the resources UNL provides its students with? I mean, there’s a Runza, there’s a Dunkin’ Donuts, there’s even a Subway! Not to mention the unlimited Pepsi in all the water fountains, research opportunities and career fairs almost every week! Wow, I’m just so glad I chose to attend this school.

From the moment I wake up in my dorm room to the moment I fall asleep on the study room couch, my days are full of adventure. How will my roommate violate my privacy today? What Coldplay tune will someone play on the Union piano? Will I be able to find my way into a cool party this weekend? Which of the two people I know who are 21 will buy me a handle of Barton’s? What’s the difference between a handle and a bottle? These are just some of the questions I’m lucky enough to ask myself every day.

I’m so involved! I’m in five clubs, two of which are completely unrelated to my major or other interests. I have a huge group of friends, and most of them live on my floor! We’re going to be best friends forever. We already share so many awesome memories. Thanks for the laughs, Harvey! I love college!

Clara Bartlett, UNL Senior:

It’s been days since I’ve been on campus. Heck, weeks, maybe. The last time I went to class I was too hungover to pay attention.

What’s the point? I’m a liberal arts major with limited skills. I spend all of my disposable income on beer and burgers and I can barely keep a succulent alive. I don’t know how to use a copier or an office phone. My most marketable skill is quick typing. No one will hire me. No one should hire me. I went to the career fair and the Peace Corps told me they were only interested in engineering and pre-med majors.

I haven’t talked to any of the friends I made freshman year for awhile. I think one of them is getting married this summer. I wasn’t invited.

Thanks for the tears, Harvey. I hate college.