Today at the Lincoln Zoo, irony was chokingly strong in the air. At the primate exhibits, where apes and monkeys were trapped in metal cages, other apes laughed at their distant relatives’ imprisoned state and other limitations despite being trapped in metaphorical cages.

For nearly seven hours, advanced apes that were practically suffocating from their self-inflicted insecurities or lethal personality flaws were yucked it up with their “dumb” fellow apes, who were “stupid” enough to get caught and do primitive things.

“Haha, that gorilla’s a real tool for trying to eat that popcorn bag” said resident Gary Sutherland, a twice-divorced, severely indebted drunkard. “No wonder he’s in a cage. He deserves to be in there.”

Lots of intellectual Homo sapiens laughed at the caged primates that day. Some even resorted to banging on the cages and tossing food into the cages of their imprisoned primate friends.

“Geez, what poor smelly suckers,” said resident and soon-to-be social reject Adam Courier as he tossed bits of hamburger into a chimp compound, not knowing that he would soon smell like nothing but urine and inhabit a basement for 30 straight years. “They just can’t get out, hahahaha.”

Even the younger high apes, who haven’t locked themselves in metaphorical cages yet but will within a decade or two, did not feel the irony as they mocked lower primates with rows of metal bars between them.

“Mommy, that silly lemur just started chasing its tail,” said local child Amanda Talon, who will be just like her mother and emotionally neglect her own daughter before falling into deep depression, which will lead her to desperately try – and never succeed – to earn forgiveness from her. “Why doesn’t it try to get out of the cage? That lemur is dumb.”
By the end of the day, all the advanced primates left the zoo and returned to their cages. Some accepted their place in the universe and some died in their cages. But maybe – just maybe – some escaped their metaphorical cages and entered new ones.