Hoo-boy, things sure are cookin’ these days over in the Ukraine, if I do say so myself. Yessiree-bob, that Vladimir Putin sure is up to no good. Why I tell ya, if I had the go of things around here, I’d give those so-called mysterious gunmen holdin’ all them Crimeans at gunpoint a run for […] Read more
By Patrick Wright Whether it’s an off day or you’re just not quite feeling like yourself, sometimes you end up feeling down in the dumps. But even on the lowest of days, music can be a great cure, and with a few pick-me-up songs, you’ll be smiling and back to your old self. Listen to […] Read more
Deep Elm Records Jacob Fricke Since their founding in 1995, Deep Elm Records has consistently released only the finest music from bands in the emo, indie rock, punk, and post-rock genres. As of this writing, every single one of their releases is available as pay-what-you-want downloads on their bandcamp page. Worthy of special recognition are […] Read more
Following weeks of intense protesting, the toppling of an increasingly totalitarian regime, the overwhelming influence of a more powerful nation, and the near collapse of what remains of its economic infrastructure, the world’s governments decided to grant Ukraine honorary middle east status, the first such honor since before the September 11 attacks. Speaking on […] Read more
Following new anti-gay legislation in Uganda, local man Daudi Otala was arrested Sunday afternoon under suspicion of super gay behavior and was later charged with seven counts of aggravated fabulousness. Additionally, Otala was charged with two counts of misdemeanor queerness and one count of failure to like boobs. Otala was taken into custody after complimenting […] Read more
In a NBA season filled with injuries to such star-studded players, veteran Los Angeles Lakers point guard Steve Nash was placed on the injured reserve list this week after tearing his entire right leg off in a game against the Portland Trailblazers. The news could not come at a worse time for the 40-year-old, as […] Read more
Since the premier season of Husker football 124 years ago, a local poll shows that “waiting for football” is still Nebraska’s second favorite sport, garnering 98.8 percent of the total votes. Other sports in consideration for second place included basketball, baseball, soccer, hockey, as well as volleyball. “Of course my second favorite sport is waiting […] Read more
John Thompson, self-proclaimed leader of apartment 214B, has once again stepped in front of the living room television set to give his annual state of the apartment address. “Thank you, thank you so much. Mr Bryant, Mr Campbell, girlfriends, fellow apartment dwellers. Tonight, I celebrate all of you, the inhabitants of this apartment that make […] Read more
The spring semester is almost halfway finished, and one person has noticed the magic has started to wear off on these students. Dean of the College of Business Administration, Dr. Donde Plowman, thinks there has been a significant “lack of synergy” in the classrooms of CBA. “Their acumen is as robust as ever, but I’m […] Read more
Anonymous sources confirmed today that you really should not have gone there and done that thing, Nicolas. “We’re not kidding when we say that you seriously shouldn’t have gone there of all places, Nicolas,” the unknown sources said. “Then, when you did what you did…God help you.” The unnamed informants continued to state that, Nicolas, […] Read more
