Polite society received a sharp kick to the ribcage recently when Open Harvest Co-op Grocery manager Evan Berg was found starting to wear disgusting garments worn from the sheared skin of cows. “Yeah, I really like my new coat,” said a sociopathic and truly sick bastard Berg about his monstrous clothing. “I didn’t think I’d […] Read more
Dexter Jones is quick to tell you that not all beers are created equal. Since his twenty-first birthday the senior journalism major has become a beer connoisseur of sorts. “I really enjoy a dark, flavorful beer,” said Jones. “Preferably the ones my friends have never heard of.” On any given weekday Jones can be found […] Read more
For the first time ever, the social networking website Facebook was the source of an argument over the internet. A former couple of two years, Jonathan Suntra and Jessica Albert, had their friendship tested. It all started when Suntra, a junior accounting major, saw his ex-girlfriend’s post. “I just want to let everyone know that […] Read more
In the Obama administration, we’re all about change, so how ‘bout you change into something more comfortable as I light these pumpkin spice candles and demonstrate just how hands-on of a vice president I can be. Don’t make this weird. Just relax. Let my silky Irish touch whisk away all the tension in your neck, […] Read more
After countless years toiling away at his laptop under the inspiration of greats like Jack Kerouac, J. D. Salinger and Walt Whitman, failed novelist Ian Treadwell hopes to revolutionize the way our culture views itself while simultaneously going gently into the good night as he readies to publish what he believes to the the “next […] Read more
After a lengthy meeting on Monday, December 2, a carefully selected Association of Students of the University of Nebraska committee voted to let racist Cameron Murphy continue his meaningless duties as an ASUN Senator. The vote was held after a meeting last month, when Sen. Murphy acted out the scene from NBC’s “The Office,” where […] Read more
The Founding Fathers defying unjust British rule, Joan of Arc leading the French Army, Gandhi defeating Voldemort at the Battle of Hastings–all of these are examples of valiant acts performed by bold figures in history. Now, in 2013, the University of Nebraska has birthed its very own hero of paralleled greatness: Sandoz RA Zachary Smoling. […] Read more
Despite the frigid temperatures, freshman biology major, Jeff Johnson, is feeling the heat. With fall semester drawing to a close he, along with thousands of other students majoring in fields other than business or advertising, is putting in long hours of studying. “Those A’s don’t earn themselves,” said Johnson as he scurried into Love Library […] Read more
UNL French professor Rachel Avra does not normally talk to her students after she dismisses them for the day, but two weeks ago she did just that. “I will have your exams graded by Friday,” Avra told her students as they packed up to leave the CBA classroom. Students stopped dead in their […] Read more
Despite being the highest paid state employee in Nebraska, coach Bo Pelini has fallen on hard times. In between supporting his brother Carl’s drug habit and paying his faculty parking pass, the Pelini family has been strapped for cash during the holiday season. When Pelini was recently fined $10,000 for his actions surrounding the Iowa […] Read more
