In 2005 Susan Boyard, President of Operations for SeaWorld Parks & Entertainment, gathered members of the press together on an open stretch of land in eastern Pakistan. Photo illustration by Jacob Fricke. “We are pleased to announce the official establishment of our newest SeaWorld franchise, right here in sunny Karachi. We expect that residents of […] Read more
Though the houses of Congress will not reconvene for another two weeks, Democratic leaders have already set one item on their respective agendas. And Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid is determined to give the issue major face time. “We have made it very clear over the years that gifts are not to be accepted in […] Read more
Aug. 29, 2005 will forever be remembered as the day that Hurricane Katrina unleashed its wrath on the Gulf Coast. With more than 1,800 people killed and $81 billion in property damage, Katrina is the most catastrophic natural disaster in recent memory. And as the years have passed, Katrina’s moniker has been ascribed to other […] Read more
Responding to calls of widespread corruption in recent national elections, the Sudanese Election Commission has revealed a daring new slogan in an attempt to improve their international credibility: “We’re Better Than Genocide.” The campaign was unveiled at a formal dinner for President Omar al-Bashir’s political supporters. The Minister of Information and Communications Kamal Mohame Obeid, […] Read more
Building on the popularity of its children’s drink Juicy Juice, Nestlé announced plans earlier this week to unveil a new line of adult beverages called Bad Choicy Choice. Photo illustration by Bea Huff. The drinks, whose flavors include ‘Unprotected Sex,’ ‘Drunk Tattoo,’ and ‘Tackling An Off-Duty Police Officer In The Bar Parking Lot,’ will feature […] Read more
The United Nations denied several appeals made earlier this week to take an active stance on shark conservation. Similarly, demands to take a definitive stance on the several genocides taking place in central Africa were also ignored. A measure proposed by a UN conference on endangered species would have suggested nonbinding controls on the hunting […] Read more
Capitol Hill was in a furor earlier this week when news leaked that Scott Brown, the newly elected junior senator from Massachusetts, came out as bipartisan to his parents. “We never expected it,” said Brown’s conservative-minded mother, Judith. “There he was, campaigning on a platform of petty partisanship like a good congressional hopeful, and now […] Read more
Erwinia amylovora, a bacterial pest currently blighting your neighbor’s apple tree, experienced a painfully awkward morning-after with a perfect copy of itself. Though typically a smooth-swimming individual, Erwinia found itself thrown off-kilter by the unexplained presence of another identical self. “Well, I came to this morning and there was this new copy sitting right there,” […] Read more
Nicolas Sarkozy, elected president of France in May 2007, is facing what may be the most difficult political hurdle in a long career. In light of the increased risk of extremist violence and wide association with the oppression of women, a parliamentary task force has issued a long-expected finding: ban the president in public places. […] Read more
In a controversial move following the much-publicized hacking of several Gmail accounts, Google has removed all censorship from its Chinese search engine. In a press conference, Google’s CEO Eric Schmidt stated, “We can no longer countenance the gross repression of information under the Chinese government. No one fucks with Google.” Support for Google’s move has […] Read more
