Nebraska Running Backs Coach Ron Brown told reporters yesterday that he was started to have “second thoughts” about the relationship between Christianity and football. Stating that he never before had trouble noticing the strong correlation between worshipping an all-powerful God and a sport where men violently beat each other and attempt to put an egg-shaped […] Read more
The Occupy Lincoln protest, consisting of nearly fifty people camping outside of Centennial Mall, have been giving local media, including the Lincoln Journal-Star and the Daily Nebraskan, a plethora of the closest thing to news stories either publication has seen since the University of Nebraska-Lincoln Cornhusker Football Team’s trip to the National Championship game in […] Read more
In an unprecedented “asshole-ish” move, Stacy Mullen’s ex-boyfriend Morgan Stills called only three days after their break-up to ask for his Xbox controller back The move was met with a negative reaction from Stacy’s “best friend forever” Jennifer Moor and current boyfriend Dennis Jones. “That son of a bitch thinks he has any right to […] Read more
Following a blow-out win against Minnesota, a visibly calm Bo Pelini could be heard screaming at members of the media at half his regular volume. “That was a good game we played today. I thought everyone executed nicely, considering that you journalists still exist,” Pelini yelled at an almost soothing volume. Omaha World-Herald columist Tom […] Read more
In a stunning turn of events at the Miss America pageant, the heavy underdog, Miss Nebraska, a half-eaten bag of Cheetos, won the crown over the other 51 contestants. It had been an uphill battle for the half-eaten bag of Cheetos from the beginning, when it was accidentally dropped on stage during the Miss Lincoln, […] Read more
Following the loss of former Apple CEO Steve Jobs, the Occupy Wall Street protesters and Wall Street executives were able to set aside their differences this past weekend to mourn the passing of the technological and cultural icon. Executives and protesters could be seen hugging each other and crying into one another’s shoulders as they […] Read more
The King of Saudi Arabia, Abdullah bin Abdul-Aziz Al Saud, announced he would be allowing women in his kingdom the right to vote against the furthering of women’s rights. Under the new law, women will be allowed to vote for continuing the ban on women drivers and furthering the dress code policy that allows only […] Read more
Self-proclaimed atheist Duncan Johnson appeared at Union College yesterday, standing in the courtyard right outside the student union yelling about science and other ungodly things. Johnson showed up at the courtyard around 10:30 AM and began reading aloud, at the top of his lungs, excerpts from Charles Darwin’s “On the Origin of Species,” then began […] Read more
The sitcom premise of a woman finding a new roommate whose character attributes are the exact opposite of hers will be used by 20 new shows this fall, including four on the same night as part of CBS’ Tuesday night lineup. “Well, you know, the characters don’t have the same name in each show so […] Read more
Congress overwhelmingly passed the Lonely Tax Act last night, which will charge all Americans one dollar every time they masturbate. The bill is being hailed as an American savior and is estimated to pull the federal government out of debt within six months. The bill, which many thought would face a tough challenge from Republicans, […] Read more
