Halloween has always been a big deal for me, and that’s why for the first year living on my own, I wanted to go all out with decorations. Currently, I have 37 hand-carved pumpkins decorating my lawn, and about 100 paper skeletons hanging up around the house. Now, while getting geared up for the Halloween […] Read more
Most see texting and driving as a heinous offense akin to getting behind the wheel drunk or eating messy foods while driving. However, new research from the University of Nebraska-Lincoln has shone a fresh light to challenge this commonly accepted belief. In a study conducted by the UNL psychology department, findings suggested that most people can […] Read more
This has been a point of debate for a long time at this university, and up until now I’ve kept my opinions on the matter to myself. But, I can’t stay quiet any longer. It’s high time something is done about the poltergeists haunting Love Library. Now I know I can’t speak for everyone on […] Read more
Sophomore English major Jeremey Reed was on his way to his British Literature Before 1800 class yesterday to take his midterm exam. The exam was to be three passage identification questions followed by a long form essay– a fairly easy test depending on whether students had actually read any of the material. “Yeah, I didn’t […] Read more
Looking for a heartwarming story and a fun new game to play with the kids? Well, look no further! When unlucky 8-year-old Jeremy Clemens was told to clean his room, most thought he was in for the most boring, unfun time of his life, especially when he had to pick up his stinky laundry and […] Read more
I know this might not be a popular opinion, Emily, but I don’t really think this is going to work. While I know that we talked about our relationship, and we both promised to try harder for each other, new research has come to light which more than complicates the longevity of our relationship. In […] Read more
Last week, local man Kevin Herbert was reportedly trapped for hours by his coworker Todd Butler in what could only be described as the most pointless fucking story he’d ever heard in his entire life. The story, according to Herbert, shifted topics wildly and without warning, often flashing back to seemingly unrelated anecdotes. According to […] Read more
Normally when someone is asked how they’re doing, he or she crafts a mundane lie and say they’re doing anywhere from just okay to pretty good. However, this was not the case for area sad sack Jeremy Reeves, who reportedly listed every single thing which was currently crashing around his pathetic existence he calls […] Read more
Area self-aggrandizer Gideon Morrell walked into the local U-Stop, with arms spread wide as though to emulate Jesus on the cross, in search of a treat to satiate what he described as “a king-sized hunger.” Eyewitnesses claimed to have seen Morell perusing the candy bars seemingly for hours. During this time, it became increasingly apparent […] Read more
There’s one thing everyone knows: Larry David is old. But imagine for a moment that he wasn’t. Now you’re probably thinking that’s crazy talk, and it is, but just imagine for a moment that the executive producer of “Seinfeld” and star of “Curb Your Enthusiasm” had Progeria, the disease which afflicted the titular character from […] Read more
