In a move that was greeted by lowered confidence in the housing market and an uptick in interest on his Match.com page, Chairman of the Federal Reserve Ben Bernanke announced that federal interest rates for home loans would be dropped from already historic lows, and that he was ready to begin dating again.

The chairman, widely criticized for his reaction to the continued housing crisis, stated that he was now ready to go on first dates with “7s and even high 6s,” though his previous date prospects had to be 8s or higher.

Both decisions were made in response to lowering consumer confidence; the housing market has not yet recovered despite years of effort, nor have any of Bernanke’s prospective suitors found him worth more than two evenings out.