With the Pinnacle Bank Arena’s unveiling merely months away, worries have fallen on Coach Tim Miles. Will next year’s team be capable of competing in Big Ten play, or more importantly, paying the electric bill?

Ladies and gentlemen, fret no more; Nebraska Basketball has a new team member. Jane Svobota, once infamously known as “Blue Coat Lady,” has been signed to the team as a propagandist.

Miles said in a statement to the press, “In my year at Nebraska I’ve seen her [Svoboda] grow mentally and spiritually. She’s preached relentlessly, often to an empty audience. It’s her dedication, her attitude, and her commitment to the team that sets her apart.

“Despite protests from the surrounding community,  I made the executive decision to take a chance and sign her on as Public Enlightenment Officer. All the greats had one. While I don’t personally agree with her views on homosexuality she’ll fit right in with the rest of the athletic dept. Hell, Ron [Brown] already took her to dinner.”

Svoboda is listed on the 2012-2013 Salary Roster as an unpaid position. However, she has been granted access to the University’s wifi, complimentary Invega Sustenna injections, and housing at the campus psychiatric center.

“She’s got her work cut out for her but I’m confident she’ll provide results. Hopefully I can get my players to bring their cousins or girlfriends or something too.”