What has been a tumultuous semester for the University of Nebraska-Lincoln administration is finally starting to settle down thanks to a new university-wide policy regarding the consumption of cannabis. UNL students will soon be able to enjoy the luxury of smoking marijuana on campus, under one condition: the bong water used must be Aquafina, a brand of water produced by Pepsi.
The new policy, which will be enacted on April 20th, 2018, will allow UNL students to use bongs (a.k.a. water pipes) to consume cannabis inside dorm rooms and in designated marijuana smoking areas throughout campus. “I think this policy will finally help guide our administration team in the right direction,” said UNL Chancellor Ronnie D. Green, who announced the marijuana policy earlier this week. “We’ve faced severe backlash from the way we handled free speech and racism throughout the year. It’s time to start listening to student desires and allow more freedoms on our campus. We just gotta totally chill out, man.”
UNL President Hank Bounds commented on the relationship the university has with Pepsi and how this influenced their policy decision. “We have a very strong relationship with PepsiCo and want to continue to promote their products as much as possible,” said President Bounds. “The more students who take advantage of this policy, the more sales PepsiCo will see with Aquafina. Higher students equals higher revenue. It’s a win-win.”
The decision to allow marijuana to be consumed on campus has seen a lot of positive feedback from the UNL community. “Finally, a policy I can get behind,” said UNL freshman Jared Wiseman. “With all the tests and homework I have, it’ll be nice to have a way to relax and de-stress. But I think I could be even more relaxed if Ronnie [Green] and the boys made UNL a wet campus, hint hint wink wink.”
Students caught violating the policy will be subject to harsh penalties, including, but not limited to, a $1,000 fine, a 50% increase in their tuition rate and having their major removed from UNL’s curriculum.
