University of Nebraska-Lincoln locker rooms will be returned to their normal levels of microbial activity in time for the Fall 2020 semester, director of Campus Recreation Jeremy Bell told reporters Tuesday. “Following the current COVID-19 pandemic, UNL locker rooms will resume being covered in the proper amount of filth that our students have come to […] Read more
Because of its misleading name, many people around the world (who are we kidding, only in the U.S.) are under the impression that the coronavirus is caused by drinking Corona beer. The virus being researched and treated close to home isn’t helping, as the main consumers of Corona on campus are paranoid and too young […] Read more
Jim Toad worked his dark sweaty hands into the grime of human existence and emerged with dirty, grease caked hair that reminded his sweatbaby rachel of the face of the good lord himself. He could feel the subtle and intimate vibrations of his Dick’s Dealer Ford Focus as he slammed a sinewed muscular arm with […] Read more
As scientists announced last month the hole in the Ozone Layer is decreasing, but this wonderful news left us wondering, How? Why? The talented staff at the DailyER has been harassing the scientists all month asking these questions. How? Why? After repeated emails and voicemails without replies, one disgruntled scientist finally got back to us. […] Read more
The world went dark on September 29th, when students all around campus found themselves without wireless internet on campus. Many speculated on what the cause would be of such a conundrum, however only one knows the true answer: Jeffrey Constantine. Jeffrey is an incoming Freshman to the University of Nebraska-Lincoln, and with him came an […] Read more
Abel Hall has had its fair share of parties and interesting occurrences through the years, but the resident assistant on duty had no idea he would have to MIP someone last Friday night. “Everyone knows this is a Pepsi campus,” RA Edward Mundorph said. “So citing someone for Minor In Possession of Coca-Cola left me shook.” […] Read more
Dear Professor Ari, I will be the first to admit that I have made many mistakes in my life, and this summer includes my largest and most recent. I have failed your 100 level history elective. I understand that I should have breezed through this class to get an easy A+ to boost my measly […] Read more
Talk about a wild semester! Incoming freshman mechanical engineering major Finn Parker is in for a real doozy this upcoming semester as he accidentally signed up for 97 credit hours. “Oh God, what have I done,” exclaimed Finn Parker, after looking at his class schedule for the upcoming semester. Parker will have class from 6 […] Read more
The broken, pothole-covered, dark murky waters surrounding University of Nebraska-Lincoln’s Computer Science and Math building Avery Hall create a fog of doom and dread. It’s hard not to become frighteningly frozen solid by fear when the misty and furious gales come down from the dread prairie and into the parking lot. Like Merry and Pippin […] Read more
Listen up, conspiracy theorists! As students and staff began adjusting to life without Cather and Pound Halls dominating the University of Nebraska-Lincoln campus skyline, new information about the demolished buildings came to light this past week. According to a highly classified memo written by Chancellor Ronnie Green, Cather and Pound Halls actually extended miles below the surface of […] Read more
