Let me tell you, what Hillary Clinton has been hiding in her private email is nothing compared to the stuff I’ve got on my own server. I think a lot of the reason I get these emails is because I’m the vice president and people know I’m committed to helping others through my office. This […] Read more
“18 years of pissing outside is a wonderful way to grow up,” Curtis Gorbit said. Gorbit was raised on a farm in Chadron, Nebraska, where his piss was allowed “virtually anywhere.” He recently began the transition to using the restrooms on East Campus. “Little Curtis was meant to be free,” Gorbit said. “Now the only […] Read more
A small committee ended its session in a smoky conference room in the Nebraska Union Heritage Room with a change in the doctorate program at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln. “You know that Bill Nye? He’s a Science Guy, and here at Nebraska we’re graduating thousands of Science Guys,” said Committee head Scott Dixon. “But the […] Read more
After years of abusive working conditions and poor wages, the staff of the University of Nebraska-Lincoln’s satirical student paper The DailyER decided to unionize in order to secure a more hospitable work environment, decrying the strange and sadistic treatment they received over the last several years. “It’s been so bad for so long,” an anonymous […] Read more
When Alexander Christofferson saw the flashing of blue and red in his rear view mirror as he drove down Vine Street, a cool, broad grin stretched across his face. He felt no fear nor dread, only the confidence that comes with the privilege of his skin color. “I knew I was gonna be fine,” Christofferson […] Read more
When I found out the VICE editors would be coming to Lincoln to work with The DailyER, I knew they would want to do something wild. Previous VICE columns featured their staffers eating three pounds of sugar-free gummy bears and staying up all night for performance art. The VICE editors wanted to do something local, […] Read more
Following the legalization of marijuana in Washington, D.C. earlier this week, many have speculated how it would be implemented in our nation’s capital. Congressional Republicans have tried to limit the ballot measure going into effect by including limiting clauses in important funding bills. This past week, the Senate debated a bill to fund the National […] Read more
Following Senior United States District Judge Joseph Bataillon’s ruling on Nebraska’s ban on gay marriage, Governor Pete Ricketts’ love life became quite a bit more complicated. Ricketts’ boyfriend, Steve Kandor, isn’t excited about his lover’s negative reaction to the ruling, but is thrilled this will give them a chance to marry. “This is just like […] Read more
In a shocking and unexpected display of brutality Tuesday night, one Lincoln household lost one of its most well-known and beloved landmarks. Trash Mountain, which experts agree was constructed by natural processes over the course of several months, was regarded as the only giant pile of filthy garbage of note within the region and was […] Read more
Following several weeks of talking mad shit about me behind my back, sources close to the situation report that local coward Chuck Wessley doesn’t have the balls to say it to my face. Tensions came to a boiling point Friday night when Wessley reportedly said I was a “tool” and an “immature meat head,” prompting […] Read more
