Following several weeks of talking mad shit about me behind my back, sources close to the situation report that local coward Chuck Wessley doesn’t have the balls to say it to my face. Tensions came to a boiling point Friday night when Wessley reportedly said I was a “tool” and an “immature meat head,” prompting […] Read more
Last week, the Launch and Empower Parties clashed in the Union at the Dailyer-sponsored ASUN Mass Debate. But one question hung heavy in the air: What happened to last year’s ASUN winners, the Hashtag Party? While we weren’t able to contact any of them directly, here’s what the DailyER’s reporters have been able to find […] Read more
As of recently, junior botany major Yvonne Manson has become another victim in a judgmental world. “I used to love going on relaxing walks around campus,” Manson said as she scratched the bulbous growth on her back. “Now, I hate them because I’m being pointed out for my female body in public.” Last week, Manson […] Read more
Yesterday the University of Nebraska Board of Regents announced that it has purchased a house in the North Bottoms to serve as the University of Nebraska president’s residence. “After President Milliken never moved into the house we bought for him, we decided to sell it and get something that wouldn’t make new presidents feel intimidated […] Read more
After several years of flip-flopping on the issue of whether or not to tear down the aging Cather-Pound residence halls the University has announced an innovative solution to satisfy both sides of the argument. “We just blow up floors 1-6 and leave 7-12 for incoming students!” announced an overly excited Chancellor Perlman at a press […] Read more
Death can be a troubling time for loved ones, and a well-written obituary can be a hard, yet thoughtful way to say goodbye. Fortunately though, the Lincoln Journal Star have solved all your obituary problems by announcing today that they have hired UNL sophomore and “Professional Psychic” Jordan Messersmith to edit the obituary section and […] Read more
Ants have never been lovable animals, and after some bothersome events, they still aren’t cute. It was a special, bright Wednesday at the open space outside the Student Union where a picnic lunch was lovingly placed on checkered blanket on the grass. Accompanied by a human couple, this lunch was certainly going to be romantic. […] Read more
Ah! What a fuck man! No way is this guy this good! What’s his gamertag? American_Sniper? I’m going to report him he must be using an aimbot. This dude is literally only getting headshots! Fucking noob, he’s probably some sweaty fat bitch in his parent’s basement. What’s his killstreak? Holy shit he’s at 160, with […] Read more
The tour guide leading a group of Red Letter Day prospective students almost stopped to show them Andrews Hall, but realized his mistake and moved on. “Over here we have Morrill Hall, home to the Museum of Natural History,” said Bill Jackson, who’s been leading student tours since fall 2013, “and right there is Andrews […] Read more
As of 4 A.M. Thursday morning the Lincoln Police Department and campus police issued an arrest warrant for freshman general studies major Zach Jorgensen after violating the terms of his academic probation. Officials have since launched a citywide manhunt for the suspect and continue to sweep the streets for the underachieving fugitive. According to the […] Read more
