Anonymous sources confirmed today that you really should not have gone there and done that thing, Nicolas. “We’re not kidding when we say that you seriously shouldn’t have gone there of all places, Nicolas,” the unknown sources said. “Then, when you did what you did…God help you.” The unnamed informants continued to state that, Nicolas, […] Read more
In his biggest and most highly anticipated movement of the semester, local roommate Todd Corby will be releasing the innovative Taco Bell Waffle Taco, the all-in-one A.M. Crunchwrap, and the popular Cinnabon® Delights in the bathroom. The shared bathroom is already used to handling Taco Bell during lunch and dinner, but Corby will break new […] Read more
Sources close to Cassandra Alvarez’s organs confirmed Monday that her appendix hasn’t been doing its share in helping keep its owner alive. “I’ll admit I haven’t been as active as others may have hoped,” her appendix told reporters. “But hey, I am who I am.” And who he is, according to Alvarez’s other organs, is […] Read more
Springtime is nearly upon us, love is in the air and Neihardt resident Kyle Hendersin has a killer in with the ladies. Kyle is one of the University elite, an 18 year old with 34 credit hours and the world is his oyster. Few women can survive the 5’7” of sophomore maturity in a freshman’s […] Read more
Claiming he just wants to see if anyone will notice, local coroner Thomas Nguyen is stacking dead bodies in the back until someone questions him about it. “It’s not like I set out to pile dead bodies to the ceiling, but, you know, sometimes you just need to see how long it takes for someone […] Read more
In this February’s Kanye West cover issue, Trendy Shit magazine released its much anticipated quadrennial list of gurts, and for a 9th consecutive time, yogurt secured the number one spot by a landslide margin. The beloved dairy product was favored over all other gurts, both dairy and non-dairy, kosher and nonkosher, by a whopping 98.4% […] Read more
With a black leather jacket, wife- beater and buzz cut, UNL junior engineering major and Sigma Phi Delta fraternity member Craig Wright may appear to exist as the toughest and most rugged species of dude on campus. “What are you doing, loser? Get the hell outta my way!” growled the supposed creature of pure badass […] Read more
As students are working to formulate ASUN presidential parties, including running mates, platforms and campaign strategies, one detail holds precedence over all others: finding a catchy party name. For candidate Jeff Gauthier, the answer to this problem is both provocative and stimulating, one that may bring waves of pleasure to voters all across campus. “One […] Read more
A recent survey of several campus groups has revealed a surprising lack of diversity in UNL’s RSOs , even RSOs that advertise themselves as accepting communities. The most shocking expose was the revelation that the UNL underwater basket weaving club has been passing off local white guy Chad Wilkens eating Tex-Mex as a Mexican member […] Read more
While touring a rental property near the University of Nebraska-Lincoln City Campus, student Cory Robertson said he thinks the location is a good fit, but he is looking for something a little shittier. “The basement is in bad shape, and there’s almost no water pressure in the upstairs bathroom,” Roberson said, “but with my budget, […] Read more
