Republican presidential candidate Ben Carson has come under scrutiny in recent weeks for his claims about his violent past, including assertions that he tried to stab a childhood friend and hit his mother with a hammer. While the media has questioned the authenticity of the stories, Carson has not backed down and now he’s taking […] Read more
Desperate coffee goers trapped in line as long as 15 minutes sought aid from the federal government this past Tuesday, claiming that they lacked basic living necessities and another place to turn. “I’ve been waiting in line for my triple vanilla macchiato– in a foam cup– for almost half an hour now,” said local coffee […] Read more
As the National Football League rolls into the second half of its season, the lingering issues of concussions continue to haunt the game as more and more former players are testing positive for CTE late in their careers. However, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell is not convinced that concussions are a problem in the game, as […] Read more
It’s no secret that the proliferation of firearms into all aspects of American life is one of the National Rifle Association’s goals. Amidst growing concerns that the accessibility of military-grade weaponry is contributing to increasingly frequent rate of mass shootings, NRA leadership has voiced plans to steer their organization towards a more family-friendly message. “It’s […] Read more
After weeks of staving off criticisms that he is running a terminal campaign, former Florida Governor Jeb Bush has unveiled a vibrant new logo to restore donor confidence. “It’s like my old logo, but there’s another exclamation point,” Bush explained. “Two exclamation points, baby. I can’t even put into words how excited I am to […] Read more
Volkswagen recently found itself caught in an international scandal when it was revealed the company had installed devices in its vehicles to falsify pollution emission tests. The software, designed to reduce the amount of pollution generated from diesel engines, was found to only operate when the vehicles were tested for pollution levels. The crisis forced […] Read more
It’s no secret that Bernie Sanders enjoys immense popularity among young voters. His blunt, no nonsense views on economic policy and tuition reform have drawn attention and support from the millennial demographic. However, in a recent interview Sanders expressed his hope that the surge in support will finally convince his grandson to give him a […] Read more
This has been the most stressful year of my life, and I don’t mind telling you. I still don’t understand what I did wrong. Hello. I am cargo shorts. Which is to say, I’m a pair of normal shorts with a couple of extra pockets on the sides. That’s all. Pockets are nice, right? They’re […] Read more
This past week, Paul Ryan began his term as Speaker of the House, replacing former Speaker John Boehner after his abrupt retirement. So what can voters expect under the reign of Speaker Ryan? At a recent press conference, the candidate made it clear why he was the best choice. “I’m going to be honest here, […] Read more
As routine mass shootings and violence become another part of the grim background music in a trauma-weary, post-recession nation still struggling to organize its scatterbrained, Paxil-permeated thoughts about the inevitable blowback that occurs in a declining consumer culture deeply rooted in instant gratification, overnight celebrity status and adoration of firearms, no clear solution exists. However, […] Read more
