Look at you. Sitting there, feeling all hunky dory. Well, you shouldn’t. Yeah, you shouldn’t. You know why? Well, isn’t it obvious? Don’t you see the shit-stained bird cage of bureaucracy? Because America is, like, the worst place ever, man. And you’re living in it. After my very lively semester of global studies and other […] Read more
The fields of corn blow in the wind, their thirst quenched by my Husker tears. I put on the red hat, and they cheer, even when the hat hides the grimace. I put on my wide grin, and the screaming nauseates me more than the ocean of red. They do not know that I prance […] Read more
Let me start this editorial off simply. Your christmas wishes, miracles? Kiss them goodbye. Grandma’s still gonna hit the bottle. Your presents will be universally disappointing, and, no, little boy, your mama ain’t getting no shoes tonight. What do you people think I am? Where do you get off asking me, Saint Nick, to solve […] Read more
Phooey! Crag-nabbit! You seen this new “Star Wars” internet projection? Barb showed it to me yesterday morning. She said the grandkids like it, so I guess she’s trying to figure out prospective Christmas gifts for the sprouts. I’ll tell you this much, though: we aren’t buying our munchkins any of this non-sensible jibber jabber. No […] Read more
Heheh, you sly dog. It’s Christmas, don’t you have shame? Nah, I’m just joshing you. But you are a dirty dirty human, aren’t ya? Yeah, you. What? Oh, yes, yes, I know that I’m an elf, or one of those smallish, pointy-eared creatures. But that’s not important. What is important is your naughty little wish […] Read more
Hey there, bud. Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down there. Talk slower, your pappy doesn’t have the best of hearing anymore. Say that again. Huh? You’re afraid? Okay, okay, what are you afraid of? What, you’re afraid of that? No, no, seriously, that? Bud, come on now. Stop that crying and whining. I hate to say […] Read more
Man, you just love some satire. At least, that’s what you told us, the writers of the Dailyer, one day, long ago when the times were darker and less funny with a lack of satire. You mentioned how everything would be better if you knew of a perfect biting satire publication with all the college […] Read more
Remember Michael Jordan? Now, remember that guy that was taller than him? His name was Shaq and even now, he is the coolest dude. Look at how tall he is! Like, basically tree height. Remember “The Giving Tree”? He was taller than that tree, and he gives even more. Dude is maybe 40 and he […] Read more
Rules! I hate being told what to do and what to think. The band members of Nirvana wouldn’t listen to my dad’s stupid laws about playing “Battlefield” after 11. Paula from biochem. She is the worst! Her jeans barely fit her right. I don’t even really want to invite her to formal. Being 14 […] Read more
Everyone has them. Long, strenuous days that seem to stretch on until they bring you to your knees in tears. Days like that deserve a happy ending. Just a little bit of time, to kick back, relax, and chill. The best way to do this? Hookah. This device, used to smoke tobacco that is often […] Read more
