LOS ANGELES–Saying it would fulfill a lifelong dream, the NBA superstar Kobe Bryant packed his bags and headed toward New York City in the hopes of auditioning for Tristan in the Met Opera’s upcoming production of Wagner’s Tristan und Isolde. “It’s been my dream ever since I was ten, turned on the radio and heard […] Read more
In a strange turn of events, the interim Athletic Director at Rutgers, Carl Kirschner, announced plans to form a varsity dodgeball team. “Mike Rice has not been released from Rutgers, but instead named head coach of the Scarlet Knights dodge ball team,” said Kirschner. The plan was announced after footage of Rice hurling basketballs at […] Read more
The recent, universally-acclaimed touchdown run by a young cancer patient inspired many around the country. It did not, however, give much hope to young Johnny Wilkinson. A Nebraska men’s basketball fan who has been battling a similar disease for the last three years, Johnny has never been contacted by the athletic department or head coach […] Read more
Head coach Greg McDermott and the Creighton men’s basketball coaching staff has been hot on the trail of new recruits since their season ended. They have landed a sizable amount of recruits for both the 2013-2014 and 2014-15 seasons already, and they’ve even gotten their first recruit for the 2027 season: Ryan McDermott. It looks […] Read more
It is an annual rite of passage that fans of the University of Nebraska Men’s Basketball team know well: the selection of the college teams that will not be advancing to any sort of post-season play. Colloquially known as March Sadness, it is something that Nebrasketball fans have come to love and cherish. A time […] Read more
Former Husker safety Daimion Stafford isn’t taking any chances when it comes to his NFL future. He has meticulously researched all the things that have made former Huskers successful in the upcoming player draft: Solid 40 yard dash times, a good work ethic, and the amazing ability to violate the law just before cashing in. […] Read more
Lil’ Red, beloved mascot of Nebraska Cornhusker athletics, was hospitalized today after he lost a short and tragic battle with an Office Depot brand stapler. The stapler in question, purchased by an unnamed graduate assistant for the athletic department in 2010, was immediately taken into custody by campus police and is expected to be charged […] Read more
The Alabama Crimson Tide, fresh off their successful defeat of the Notre Dame Fighting Te’os in the recent BCS National Championship, begrudgingly announced that, beginning in August of this year, they will found a University. Head coach Nick Saban explained. “For years, the NCAA has been on our ass. ‘Stop oversigning. Make kids go to […] Read more
NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, not usually one for grand pronouncements, unveiled a sweeping overhaul of the league Sunday in a surprise press conference. After brief comments on player safety and how human-like Bill Bellichick was looking in that suit today, the Commissioner revealed the true reason for the meeting. “The NFL is proud to name […] Read more
After close to five years of deliberation, the NCAA has officially announced the vacation of the entire George W. Bush presidency and the nullification of every record he set while in office. While some of the records the former former president set, like the most word misuses in speeches, will not be missed, others may […] Read more
