Responding to calls of widespread corruption in recent national elections, the Sudanese Election Commission has revealed a daring new slogan in an attempt to improve their international credibility: “We’re Better Than Genocide.”
The campaign was unveiled at a formal dinner for President Omar al-Bashir’s political supporters. The Minister of Information and Communications Kamal Mohame Obeid, speaking to the gathering, said that “the message will be spread through billboards and fliers in those towns where we have heard complaints of corruption, and where the literacy rate is high enough to be effective. The final design is one which will appeal to citizens of diverse classes and ethnicities. It should resonate with voters across this great nation, and with the world media.”
Artistic director Ismail Issa Galab gave more details in an interview. “Basically,” he said through an interpreter, “the point is to remind people that, flawed though these elections may be, they’re still a step in the right direction. To that end, the campaign will feature a heap of dismembered bodies behind a polling booth, which will be staffed by a smiling individual of indeterminate ethnicity.” Smiling good-humoredly, Galab continued, “The president has given his personal seal of approval to this campaign. And what’s not to love about it? … think carefully about how you answer that one.”
International response to the planned advertisements has been generally positive. Luis Vargas, a spokesman for the United Nations, said in a press conference that “the UN is overall very happy with Sudan’s election commission. It’s good to remind the Sudanese people, who we’ve happily abandoned to their fates, that there are worse things that could be happening than the blatant corruption of the first election in decades.”
Responding to claims that President Bashir’s corruption has been increasingly blatant in the run up to this election, Vargas went on to explain, “The UN understands that hundreds have been kept from the polls, and that Mr. Bashir’s cronies have been registering hundreds of his supporters to vote who do not, technically speaking, exist. But let’s keep this election in perspective – so far his militias haven’t murdered more than, say, 50 people in their beds this month. So that’s a marked improvement.”
Though Bashir has declined public comment on this or any other issue in recent months, inside sources indicate that the President of Sudan is perfectly willing to abide by the results of the election he is presently and industriously corrupting.
“President Bashir is a great man,” said one staffer, speaking on condition of anonymity. “I am glad the rest of the world is finally realizing just what an upstanding pillar of this nation he really is. And if the election results don’t quite come out the way Mr. Bashir expects them to … well, there’s always that other thing he does, with the killing. Ha. Ha. But seriously. It’s probably best if he gets elected.”