Libraries?! Ewwww-gross-blegggh.

This reaction is heard all too often on college campuses across the US  and who can blame them? These ugly temples of “higher learning” cast mar the vistas of our universities and cast a grim shadow over our longboarders. But libraries aren’t just a repulsive exterior anymore, the inside is even worse.

The DailyER hesitates to comment on rumors or speculation but can now report with 100 percent certainty that libraries are filled with dumb books that don’t even look fun to read.

Most of the books don’t even have pictures in them which is the worst. The library needs to get in touch with what its students really want and understand that if there’s no pictures in the books then the students will fall asleep reading them.

While some books are rumored to have pictures of boobs in ‘em, these rumors are unsubstantiated and we cannot condone a search.

A bit of research showed that the library does get magazines too but none of them are cool. In fact, they’re all stupid. The library’s magazines are stupid ones like the New York Review of Books and Publishers Weekly which are both about books and not awesome stuff like skateboarding or videogames.

It also has some movies on DVD which sounds cool but they are all stupid and not worth the time to watch. All the movies the library has are dumb ones my dad watches like Citizen Kane and Taxi Driver. They don’t even have the newest Transformers movie and that’s ridiculous.

The librarian said Dewey “Dumbass” Decimal didn’t even add a category for “robots in disguise.”
Local Junior Seth Lindsay said the library was still stupid but he was able to check out Saints Row III from it and that was kinda cool, giving libraries as a whole a score of  “kinda lame but not totally lame.”