Election season is heating up, and Ignite finally has an opposing party. The Dailyer would like to present our very own political party, #Party (read: ˈhaSHtag ˈpärtē). They are a dedicated group of three frat dudes who will do their damndest to help fight in the interest of greek students everywhere (at UNL). So, without further ado, the Dailyer would like to present #Party’s platforms.

1) Change the Union Back

The student body has overwhelmingly rejected the new union renovations, and as the head of the student government, #Party would make it their number one priority to change the union back to the way it was. We would accomplish this by completely tearing down the union and having construction crews create an exact replica of the union circa 2012.

2) Buttchug MIP

Being a freshman in college is an exciting and confusing time for many. And sometimes people do stupid things that they regret, which is why #Party would change the University’s policy and make it so that the first MIP anyone gets will be excused if they can prove it happened after a night of butt chugging.

3) Redesign the N-Card

Ever notice how the basic design of the N-Card hasn’t changed in decades? People are bored of their red rectangular student IDs. They want something fresh and new. Which is why #Party is proposing a radical redesign of the N-Card. No longer will you be carrying that credit-card-shaped atrocity. The New N-Card will be circular in nature, 5G capable and will have built-in bottle opener.

4) Expand UNLPD Drone Program

The UNLPD’s drone program has been universally hailed as a step in the right direction, which is why #Party wants to expand on the work that’s begun, and give UNLPD any and all resources they need to successfully preserve and protect the peace.

5) Thigh Gap Incentives

Healthy lifestyle choices are hard to make, and #Party would like to give students incentive to keep fighting for that thigh gap. Every semester, #Party will award a $5,000 scholarship the student with the sweetest thigh gap. Working out is hard, and students should be awarded for creating space between their legs.

6) Fraternity Leave

Let’s face it, being forced to look at GDIs can be exhausting and you don’t need to put up with that. That’s why #Party proposes Fraternity leave. Each semester, Greeks sick of putting up with Geeds can spend 6 glorious weeks in Cancun. And don’t worry about missing midterms, a team of Geeds will take care of any outstanding school work while you sip your Corona in Geed-free paradise.