Wow, what a whirlwind semester so far. We’ve already blown through midterms, and spring break is fast approaching. As we pause to look at how far we’ve come, we would like to take a moment and think about how the Dailyer received approval from the student body to continue printing next school year.

By a vote of 59% to 41%, the Dailyer has been allocated $6,400 next year to make more UNL-related satire. Alas, it’s with great sadness that we would like to acknowledge that satire had a great run, but now is the time to move on.

So what are we going to do with the $6,400 the student body is set to give us next year? Well, do we have some plans for you. For starters, we are going to invest all $6,400 in bitcoin; then, when it inevitably matures 1,000%, we are going to trade in all of our bitcoins for gold. Then, after that gold matures another 500%, we will start 401Ks for all past and present Dailyer writers.

But wait, isn’t this an inappropriate use of student fee dollars? You betcha, but we don’t really care. After we made #Party a thing we feel unchained to do whatever we feel like doing. After successfully existing for six years now, we have determined it’s time to cut our losses and take the money and run.

So, it was nice run, UNL. But the satire game has gone stale and we are going out on top.

Just kidding, we are going to be back next year better than ever. By the time you are reading this the university’s publications board will have selected the next editor-in-chief of the Dailyer, and all three applicants are exceptionally qualified for the job. Next year is going to be our best yet, and I can say that with confidence. We turn seven years old next year, and there are a lot of people who didn’t think we would make it to year two (or three or four…). So watch out, we are going to exist for a long, long time.