At first, local boy Adam Frasier felt a wave of warm relief as his father calmed him, saying that there are no monsters under the boy’s bed.

“Haha, no, son, there are no monsters under there,” reassured Leon Frasier, 38, to his son, 6. “It’s way too small for anything to sit under there.”

“Plus, I think all those ghouls and goblins that you’re worried about wouldn’t mess with a tough guy like you, slugger,” Leon said to the boy as he ruffled his hair.

Then, just as Adam was about to lull into peaceful sleep, Leon decided take real parental initiative.

“All the real monsters – and I mean the disgusting creatures that actually exist and are much worse than anything you can possibly imagine – are outside this room,” Leon said, shaking his head.

Leon, a good father, then began to list off all the types of sick beasts that Adam should be afraid of once he leaves his room. His list included pedophiles, murderers, rapists, wizards, abusive spouses and parents, satire writers, giant birds, the flu virus, and staplers.

“I mean, you really shouldn’t be at all afraid of what might be under your bed, champ,” Leon mentioned. “It’s probably one of the safest places in the world. An evil serial killer might not look for you under there.”

As Adam started to hesitantly thank his father and cling to that last bit of hope, Leon performed his fatherly duty and told his son the truth and crushed that sliver of hope.

“Well, actually, most real monsters will look under the beds, if they’re smart,” the loving father said. “You should probably still hide under there, when the time comes.”

“In fact, I’m surprised that you aren’t hiding under there right now,” he went on.  “Considering I’ve been called a ‘monster’ by mommy, don’t you remember?”