First Generation (1996): Your parents met in the fifth grade and have been in love since. They had you when they were 24 and are still in love. They’ll still be together when they’re 90 and in a nursing home. They have the ideal marriage all of their friends envy.

Second Generation (1999): Your mom chose Chikorita as her starter, your dad chose Cyndaquil. Can I make it any more obvious?

Third Generation (2002): Your parents have been in cryogenic sleep since the day after your birth. It’s hard to tell how their marriage is holding up, but you’ll find out when you see them at the NSYNC 40th anniversary reunion tour, the sole reason they’re frozen.

Fourth Generation (2006): Your mother never truly loved your father. After your uncle killed your father and married your mother (all while you were off at college), nothing in your life makes sense. Your father’s ghost is still in love with your mother.

Fifth Generation (2010): Your mom yells at your dad for never washing the dishes and your dad mocks your mom for not fighting Kenny G in the Denny’s parking lot, but the arguing stops when “Wheel of Fortune” is on-air. Thank Pat Sajak for saving their marriage.

Sixth Generation (2013): On the rocks. They’ve been stranded on a sea stack for three weeks off the coast of Oregon. They tried calling you during their first two days stranded, but you wouldn’t pick up the phone. Your mom is ready to jump to get away from hearing your dad’s high school chess club stories.

Seventh Generation (2016): Your parents divorced twelve years ago, but it’s okay. Each has gone through two other marriages since, so now you have a total of six parents. That’s a lot of Christmas presents you’ll be getting for the rest of your life.