What was supposed to be the sickest party of the year quickly turned into one of the lamest in recent history. Sophomores Blake Robinson and Scotty Williams invited everyone they knew to their newly rented home in the North Bottoms but regretfully failed to remind people to bring their own beer.

This act of buffoonery caused confusion in every invitee, most of whom were also underaged and without a plug as they just moved back to town for school.

“I was expecting Scotty and Blake to bring the booze,” one anonymous party goer complained. “I showed up ready to slam back a 12-rack and left after only getting to eat like two or three crackers.”

In favor of chips or other common party snacks, the ignorant party-throwers decided to forego spending a single cent on the shindig. Instead, they grabbed an old sleeve of saltines from the pantry when they realized nobody else intended on buying anything either. Many guests reported this to be a major bummer, and most returned home with dry mouths and even dryer spirits.

Not all hope was lost, however, as 21-year-old Phillip Dreher arrived close to midnight with a couple cans of Miller Lite in his car. Unfortunately, Dreher was completely shit-faced upon arrival and unable to go to the store to pick up more beer. Robinson and Williams, much like Jesus to his disciples, quickly divided up the two cans of beer into tiny Dixie cups so each partier could at least enjoy a sip of mediocre beer.

“Nobody got too drunk, which was something we were worrying about. So, that’s good, right?” Williams said. “Although, nobody had a good time either, so, I won’t call it a total success.” Next time there’s a party at the Robinson/Williams residence, the pair reported they will in fact ask Dreher to show up with a few more cans.