Well, shucks, Nebraska lost again. But look on the bright side, instead of focusing on the embarrassment of a last-second loss, just remember that there are many other ways this season could be even worse.

5. Half the football team is hired to be writers on “The Simpsons”

Wow, who would have thought we had such a funny team? I guess it makes sense, judging how they play football. While their new jobs would actually pay them for their work, it would force the Huskers to looking for players on the local flag football league.

4. Mike Riley puts himself into the game

The secondary hasn’t lived up to expectations, but Coach Riley won’t give up– even if he has to put on some shoulder pads and do it himself. Though the role of player-coach isn’t really a thing, Riley’s upbeat personality will help him play just a bit better than that guy who couldn’t cover that slant route.

3. The Huskers are relegated to a high school league

We’ve made a mockery of our last place ranking in the Big Ten, so the NCAA thought it would be best to relegate us to the NSAA so games can be more competitive.

2. Herbie Husker decides to become an Alabama fan

Herbie is sad. Herbie has rooted for the Huskers all his life, but it’s never looked this bleak. All the handclaps and fistpumps cannot distract from the fact that he, a grown man, has never left the city of Lincoln. It’s time for Herbie to move on, mostly because Herbie roots for winners. Bandwagoner.

1. Nebraska’s new tradition could be as an improv school.

While the past few games have been grim, many people around the state are motivated by the idea of a Husker game on Saturdays regardless of the team’s record. Be grateful you go to a school that prides itself on good, wholesome American football and not six white dudes in a room repeating dick jokes.