Alphabet, the parent company of Google, announced this week that its popular Google Earth platform will now feature a Flat Earth mode to accommodate those who choose to refute centuries of scientific knowledge.
Google Earth, a service that allows users to view three-dimensional renders and satellite photos of anywhere on Earth, needed to accommodate a tremendously small but unfathomably growing population of people who believe that the planet is flat, not spherical, said Gopal Shah, Product Manager of Google Earth.
“Just because it’s completely false doesn’t mean we can avoid it,” Shah said. “If people want to believe fake news, who are we to tell them they can’t?”
Tech-savvy consumers and science-deniers alike were shocked by the announcement, although opinions on Google’s decision were nowhere near similar. While the tech community was overwhelmed with anger around the decision, those who deny rudimentary geophysics and pictures of Earth were thrilled with the announcement.
“The people brainwashed by mainstream lies usually mock us,” said Daniel Shenton, the man responsible for energizing the movement for a modern flat earth society. “But it appears this time, Google has made a bold decision to stand with us to prove to the world that they’ve been lied to. We’re happy to have their fellowship, and we’ll be speaking with them soon on our future plans.”
According to Shah, there are no existing or future plans for collaboration with Shenton.
“Not a chance,” Shah said, referring to Shenton’s plans to work together in the future. “However, we’re excited to see more users on our platform, and we’ll continue to cater to as many users as we can to reach maximum profit.”
When asked about how Google plans on developing any further what is essentially a flat map of their product, Shah seemed confident in the future.
“We’re planning to release 3-D glasses for Flat Earth users so they can imagine what Earth would like if it wasn’t flat.”