“It’s been three years since I’ve cleaned the gunk out of here,” said senior psychology major Jerry Leaky, his body facing the aged red Mazda 3.

It was clean-up day for Leaky’s car Tuesday afternoon, which turned into a minor excavation to find any discarded wife beaters or scraps of Runza in the nooks and crannies. Eventually, after failing to find any additional money or a love note by Veronica that somehow became lost, Leaky stumbled upon a fascinating anthropological site – the cup holder.

“Oh, mother of God, look at all the garbage in there,” Leaky said as he turned his head up in disgust. “Are-are all those flakes dead skin?”

Using a gloved finger, Leaky carefully dug into the highly pressurized layers of receipts, pocket lint and mouse feces. After all his efforts, he discovered numerous artifacts. Among ancient small animal bones that require further researched before classification, a strange and worn container was found.

After removing troublesome dried ketchup and melted wax, Leaky was able to inspect this object more closely.

“Hm…it appears as if there is writing,” Leaky, the amateur anthropologist, inquired. “…’Nirvana…Nevermind’…It looks as though someone used this, once, long ago…”

After discovering this artifact, Leaky hopes to further expand knowledge on human interaction with the tool known as ‘Nirvana.’ As of now, Leaky figures that these ancient humans were big-haired, somewhat cultured but still “lovably primitive.”