Chad Bradjake McZimmer, 37, hails from Columbus, Ohio, and was reborn last Saturday morning as a new glorious man. The night before, McZimmer was at an Alpha Sigma Sigma fraternity party at a house rented out near Y street.

Eyewitnesses at the party reported that McZimmer (also known as “the man with three first names”) drunkenly stumbled out onto the back porch of the house around midnight and littered the backyard with vomit after drinking 540 fluid ounces of Miller Lite. He laid on his side, unconscious for the rest of the night.

At first, fellow party-goers assumed he was just drunk from the impressive amount of alcohol he had consumed, but soon he began to glow and float above the porch. His arms were spread wide as if embracing the entire house in his heavenly love and care. In the morning when he awoke, he cried to his fellow men:

“I’ve have seen the light, you foolish children! Feel my power of self-reflection and perseverance! I am the ultimate form of humanity!”

McZimmer explained how he drank so much alcohol that he surpassed his weakly mortal form, and had gained an unlimited amount of energy and intelligence. He had died and been reborn.

His first order of business was cleaning up his name, literally. He cut his legal name down to just Z. He also changed his major from business to one he created himself: religious and political nanotechnology. Enrolling in 120 credit hours a semester, he practically became a pure font of learning and knowledge and somehow spread his ghostly body across several classes at once.

The only catch seems to be that Z has done a full Bender from Futurama, and needs a copious amount of alcohol in order to sustain his new lifestyle. Luckily, that really isn’t a change for Z.

You go, Z.