In the technology-driven world that we live in, Facebook advertisements are one particularly enticing way for businesses to promote their brand. This opportunity was taken to the extreme, though, when one poor freshman was found wandering for a month in the basement of the Nebraska Union, searching for the non-existent DailyER conference room he saw advertised on Facebook.
After his roommate reported him missing two weeks ago, freshman undeclared major Ethan Montegue was found in the cozy men’s bathroom in the Union basement, huddled in the decommissioned shower to stay warm.
“I saw an advertisement for The DailyER meeting on Facebook, and I thought I was up to the challenge of joining a new organization,” Montegue croaked as medics brought his fragile body out of the bathroom and past the hidden conference room door. “But they tricked me with their funny Ronnie Green ad and lured me into this hellish basement.”
The DailyER disclosed a brief statement on the incident, claiming nonresponsibility and citing their annual $6,400 funding budget as too small to offset any hospital fees.
“Don’t get me wrong, we love fresh meat… I mean freshmen,” said DailyER editor-in-chief, Kellie Wasikowski. “But it’s not my fault they don’t know their cardinal directions to find the Southeast corner, and we even published a fricken how-to video on finding our meeting. I swear, some are better left to the basement monster, anyway.”
After Montegue recovered from slight onset hypothermia of the 60-degree temperature in the bathroom, he announced a future bid to defund The DailyER in the 2020-2021 school year, and challenge them in the annual ASUN debate.
“This organization has no role on campus promoting a false narrative while they actually steal student fees for themselves,” Montegue triumphantly said. “No new student should ever feel so unsafe at UNL.”
But late at night, specifically at 8 p.m. on Monday and Wednesday evenings, ghastly laughs can be heard behind the conference room door in the shadows of the basement, scary enough to keep any prospective freshman member away for an entire month.
