Last Friday, a Kentucky gas station attendant discovered something rather out of the ordinary while scrubbing the usual fecal matter and crude voting polls from the men’s room walls. Caster Straube, long time Pump-N-Munch employee, claims an unknown patron took the already generously dilated “glory hole” drilled in the stall separator and enlarged it to nearly eight inches wide, then he made a second giant hole a few feet to the left.

Our research team here at the DailyER Nebraskan has been following this new cultural phenomenon for weeks. Eight in 11 of the nearest gas stations and dive bars in Lincoln have reported finding these aptly dubbed “hug holes” in their establishments.

A local bar-crawler, Karen Moore, admitted to having experienced an encounter involving the giant holes.

“I went into the bathroom to do my thing, and when I opened the stall door there were two arms reaching out for me, beckoning me to come near. I don’t know, then we did some stuff,” said Moore.

Recent studies done by the HAHA (Healing Arms Huggers Anonymous) have shown that adults no longer find as much satisfaction in anonymous sexual encounters as they have in the past. Richard Knobs, HAHA’s Vice Chair, explains that lately people are filling their emotional voids by filling these physical voids, “hug holes,” with their arms.

“These days, you’re more likely to contract a disease, get your thing bitten off by some crack head or end up gettin’ gorbed by some dude than walking away feeling fulfilled.”

Ever since HBO started showing all those weird shows in the middle of the night, the danger and intrigue of “glory holes” has definitely faded. It seems that now people just want to sneak into dark, musky rooms and slip into an anonymous, bear-like embrace.

Moore does her best to justify this evolution, “Never in my life has anyone ever asked me to ‘call them tomorrow’ after sharing a hug.”