UNL’s Glenn Korff School of Music instituted sweeping changes into its curriculum on Tuesday morning after announcing they will focus exclusively on composing jingles.

“Uh, what?” said confused violinist Jenny Durango as her instrument was replaced with a keyboard, a microphone and a digital catalog of all commercial sounds dating back to 1980.

School administrator Daniel Harp explained the reason behind the drastic change. “We figured, ‘sure, music promotes creativity and is one of the few uniting forces in our society,’ but it’s simply not catchy enough. Classical? Contemporary jazz? Soul? All boring, all unnecessary. Now 15-second sound bytes; that’s quality right there!”

Newly-minted courses include History of Commercials for Things Priced at $19.99, Used Car Dealership Ad Production and an advanced course in Composing Intro Music for NPR.

To fully immerse students in the school’s new focus, the entire building broadcasts catchy advertisements, constantly, on a loop, at all times of the day.

“It’s great! I love how surrounded I am by the curriculum here!” yelled unblinking dance major Ryan Gallegos as he yanked his own hair out. “I don’t know why people have such a hard time with the adjustment!”

The change in policy has proven useful in increasing revenue for the School of Music, according to sophomore air guitar major Dalton Spicer.

“We have until the end of the semester to sell all this old equipment, and that’s a lot of instruments, man,” he explained. “Now that we know a little about how jingles work, it’ll be a pretty easy sell.”