After an already insane fiscal year for the state of Nebraska, the 2018 state budget just got a whole lot messier. Already knee-deep in budget cuts for the University of Nebraska-Lincoln, Governor Pete Ricketts has announced a new state tax plan that would eliminate the need for all future state taxes. Puzzled legislators questioned Ricketts’ move to eliminate taxes, but were assured in a meeting last week that the government would continue to run through a lemonade stand that Ricketts will set up outside the state capitol building.

Ricketts says the new and improved tax plan is designed to benefit residents of Nebraska and help stimulate the economy.

“It’s time we give the people what they want,” Governor Ricketts said in an interview with The DailyER. “I’ve found through my own research that there are only two things the people of Nebraska want: no taxes and lots of lemonade. Well, now we can kill two birds with one stone. We eliminate taxes and fund the government through a lemonade stand. It’s a win-win situation.”

Because budget cuts are already affecting UNL immensely, university administration were initially concerned about the new tax plan and where funding for the university would come from.

“At first, I was angry,” said UNL Chancellor Ronnie Green. “How could Ricketts screw us over again like that? He already cut $11 million from the budget and now this? But I gave it some thought yesterday, and this may be a really smart move. I was also really thirsty yesterday, and could have used a nice, refreshing lemonade.”

The new tax plan will go into effect July 1st, 2018, and will eliminate every single tax collected by the state: income tax, property tax, corporate tax, etc. On top of this, Governor Ricketts will man the lemonade stand 24 hours a day and charge 25 cents for his delicious, homemade brew. Future plans to bring in government revenue include a bake sale, a car wash and a kissing booth where you can kiss Pete Ricketts’ shiny, bald head.